


I will love you//Until you learn to love yourself…

by flickawhip



Series: Heartbeats -  Tricia Summerbee/Rachel Dawson [1]
Category: Heartbeat (UK TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:40:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28077870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flickawhip/pseuds/flickawhip
Summary: Rachel is suffering, but maybe Tricia can make it better...
Relationships: Rachel Dawson/Tricia Summerbee
Series: Heartbeats -  Tricia Summerbee/Rachel Dawson [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2056938





	I will love you//Until you learn to love yourself…

It starts when Rachel is hurt. Not once, not twice, but many times. She goes from being beaten by an ex to bleeding, painful, forced sexual situations she never asked for, but the thing that breaks her, down deep in her soul, is hearing the gunshots. She normally doesn’t flinch at them, but now, now it’s all too much. Realising she’s hit is the thing that leads to collapse, her usually bright eyes turning dim. 

She comes around slowly, to someone leaning over her, dark hair pushed out of gentle ice-blue eyes, the woman’s focus locked on her wounds. She takes a breath, hissing at the pain hard enough that the woman’s hand covers her own, squeezing gently even as she keeps working. She stills, trusting the other woman until she is at least not dead, even if she lets herself cry in the ambulance, the reassurance of a tight grip on her hand soothing her only slightly. The woman doesn’t leave her side, running gentle hands, long fingers, through her tangled hair, pushing it from her eyes, and supporting her quietly as they listen to how much damage is done. 

She is left at the hospital for weeks, facing question after question, refusing to tell anyone why she’s so damaged, so broken down, the wounds heal, leaving her marked and bloodied but alive, the lack of scars feeling wrong with how much pain she’s in, even now. She had scrubbed herself clean after the ex, then again after the attack, but she can’t bring herself to be honest that even now she feels… used. 

Tricia, the Doctor who saved her, comes to her every day, not once pushing her to talk, just listening, offering support and eventually offering to bring her home when she is released from the hospital. She was not given a choice to go home, although she knows that even now she won’t be keeping her job, the job she put her life at risk over. 

She accepts Tricia’s offer slowly, shyly. She doesn’t feel worthy of this woman’s kindness but the strength in Tricia’s voice is what she needs, she knows she needs her. So she accepts. Praying that somehow this woman can bring her back to life. She’s been feeling broken for too long, getting frustrated with herself the entire time. 

She comes back to life very slowly, re-learning how to walk, re-learning how to be around other people, even if it’s only Tricia. Tricia, she realizes, knows what happened to her, has seen all the wounds inflicted, the way she shivers around even Rob, a man she’s known since she was a teenager. 

She doesn’t share it, but she knows Tricia sees it all the same. The two grow used to one another, Tricia joining her when Rachel wakes some nights in tears, unaware she’s screamed as she woke. She doesn’t remember most of what happens those nights, nothing beyond the instant feeling of safety when Tricia joins her. 

Eventually, when Rachel can walk enough to be mobile without needing someone by her side, she begins to work on accepting everything that happened to her. Tricia comes home that night, the first she’s really worked through what happened, to Rachel in tears, curled into herself with sheets of paper, sketches and words, that say exactly what happened, what she remembers. 

Tricia’s eyes darken only a little as she reads and looks the papers over, putting them aside before moving to sit beside Rachel, very slowly reaching to rest a hand over Rachel’s, barely stifling a soft noise when Rachel takes her hand, gentle but clearly accepting her all the same. She realises only when Rachel’s long fingers curl against her own, just how tightly Rachel is holding onto her, needing the warmth. It’s that touch that leads her to lean a little closer, gently pulling Rachel’s hand into her lap, stroking gentle fingers over Rachel’s knuckles. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

The offer is soft, tender, and Rachel hesitates before finally letting her guard down, speaking softly, staring at their joined hands, aware how sharp her breathing is when she finishes, not caring that she’s crying, not caring that she’s showing more of herself than she has in years. She’s been so pent up since the incident that it feels good to finally let it out. Tricia never stops stroking her fingers over Rachel’s knuckles, moving to gently tuck hair from Rachel’s eyes, noting the soft curls and deep chocolate brown shade of Rachel’s hair almost automatically, taking in the softness of Rachel’s eyes, the grey-green shade that turns paler as Rachel’s tears slow, her touch light as she strokes her thumb over Rachel’s cheekbone, swiping away the tears collecting there. 

Rachel, when she speaks next, is soft, shyly weak. Almost embarrassed by how much she’s shown of what she’s feeling, of how broken she’s been. She’s used to being the strong one but now she’s the weaker, the more hurt. It feels wrong, but she knows even now that Tricia is not judging, merely concerned. She can see it, when she finally looks back up, her eyes meeting Tricia’s, her heart warmed by the care in them. 

“I’m sorry, it’s just…”

“Don’t… don’t apologize.”

Tricia speaks softly. Her voice softly husky and reassuringly warm. She means the words that come, and she follows them with more that make Rachel all the more sure that this, here, now, is where she was meant to be. 

“It’s okay not to be okay… It’s okay to need time.”

She pauses, the tip of her tongue swiping at her lower lip almost unconsciously before she adds. 

“It’s okay… you’re not alone.”

It's those words, and a second gentle caress of the tip of Tricia’s thumb over her cheekbone, that leads Rachel to make her choice, leaning into Tricia and kissing her with a warmth and sweetness that feels right. Tricia freezes, just long enough that she considers pulling away, before moving to tangle a gentle hand into Rachel’s hair and responding just as deeply and warmly and sweetly, the tenderness of the kiss smoothing away any fear that she had overstepped her mark, the lightness of Tricia’s hand on her hip making her shiver even as she moves to pull Tricia closer, letting the kiss linger until she needs air, her touch ever so light on Tricia’s back, tender and a little unsure, but clearly wanting. 

Tricia smiles, her forehead leaning against Rachel’s before she kisses her again softly. 

“I’m here…”

“I’ve never been so…”

“I know.”

Rachel’s breath hitches and she stands moving to the window, looking out even as her voice shakes. 

“I can’t let this be just…”

“It’s not.”

Tricia speaks so surely that Rachel turns to look at her, stunned when Tricia moves to join her and speaks in a voice that is so deeply honest and true that it shakes. 

“Let me love you… and I will love you… until you learn to love yourself…”

“Only until…”

“No. Let me love you until then… and then we’ll see about making this… us… official.”

Despite the fear of failure, the hit of truth makes Rachel smile and agree softly. 

“That sounds… nice.”


End file.
